An Emergency Marriage Manual for Christian Women
This booklet is a compilation of wise counsel I’ve received over the years from my godly parents (married over 50 years) and from close Christian friends who practice what they preach. I’ve also gleaned nuggets of truth from sermons on marriage and the home.
Although I’ve not always--or often--been successful in following these principles, I believe they can bring peace into our homes if we would only apply them. (My husband found this booklet a few years ago and said, "Wow! This stuff is great! Why don't you do this??!" So perhaps I should just say, "Take my advice....I'm not using it!!")
This booklet is for WIVES ONLY and does not address the husband’s role or responsibilities in marriage. There are many good books on this subject...if men would only read them! Of course, an ideal marriage is where both husband and wife are doing their part to adapt and make the marriage work. CAUTION: Do not discuss the ideas in this booklet with your husband--it will backfire. Just try to live it.
May the Holy Spirit use this booklet to encourage you and shine a light on your path when things seem dark or hopeless!
Your sister in Christ,
Dominie Soo Bush
Get above the circumstances of the moment.
Never act or speak in the heat of emotion. When you calm down, the Holy Spirit will speak to you.
Remember that at one time you felt your spouse was the best choice of mate for you.
It takes a lifetime to work out the problems in a marriage. Your marriage is still young. It’s not over until life is over.
Every marriage goes through its really hard times.
Talk heavy to the Lord but light to your husband about problems in the marriage.
Each person has areas of weakness, but you can only change yourself—not the other person. LEAVE THE CHANGING OF YOUR PARTNER TO GOD.
Marriage is a spiritual training program designed by God. It takes His strength and love to live out a lifetime with another fallen human being. We were never meant to be able to do it on our own.
There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.
No one can fulfill the deepest needs of your heart—only Jesus can satisfy your soul. Putting that burden on another human being will lead to disappointment.
When there is friction or disagreement between you, say little or no words, but do many loving deeds. You know what would please your partner. Your actions will communicate love, commitment and forgiveness.
Don’t instruct your husband on anything. This makes him think of you as a mother-figure, which by nature he must break away from. It kills romantic feelings toward you.
Keep the long-term goal in sight—of staying together as Christians. Base your daily actions in light of this long-term goal. A divorce is a disaster that has devastating effects on others, not just on the couple. Will a divorce encourage or discourage others in their Christian walk?
Keep conversations at home "light and airy." A man will stay on guard if he thinks you’re going to bring up problems. One of your goals is to create a secure emotional climate at home so that your husband will feel it is safe to talk to you about things. When he is ready to talk, LISTEN. He will think you are wonderful. Let him initiate these conversations, or wait for a time when there is a good feeling between you.
Women think things are going well in a relationship when they are talking about it. Men think things are going bad when you have to talk about it.
Don’t use the word "divorce" under any circumstances. It can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You made a commitment to this man before God for better or for worse.
Don’t put all your "emotional eggs" in the marriage basket. It puts too much stress on the other person and you go to pieces if they disappoint you. DON’T MAKE EACH OTHER THE FOCUS.
Let your spouse think independently of you.
Keep your marriage relationship "in the Lord," just as you try to keep a good testimony outside of the home. Stay close to the Lord in the matter of your marriage. Get on your knees or on your face before the Lord and tell Him all about it.
God is more concerned about us than we are about ourselves.
The woman is the stabilizer in the home. She sets the emotional climate in the marriage. You will need the Lord to stabilize your emotions throughout the day.
Don’t let Satan’s lies get into your thinking. BE ON GUARD AGAINST NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND. Take any such thoughts to the Lord at once and release them.
Go to the Lord instead of to each other on sensitive issues.
Keep encouraged. These principles will work.
In communicating with your husband, make suggestions with options—not commands. He is not a child. This approach will promote a more favorable response from him, if used consistently.
Men want to relax at home. Make your home a haven—a refuge from the world and its demands. They do not consider "heavy" discussions relaxing, whereas women enjoy analyzing and talking about relationships. Instead, fulfill this need by seeking out women friends who are of like mind in the Lord for meaningful discussions.
Do not work off of emotions! Emotions go up and down. You upset yourself and everyone around you when you convey these strong feelings. Learn a balance.
Love deeper at home than anywhere else.
Give yourself room to be human and make mistakes, just as you do for others. Allow your husband to be human also.
Men will never be like women or women like men. Don’t expect him to understand you perfectly.
Don’t put all your emotional needs on your husband. Learn to lean on the Lord. He can give you wisdom tailored precisely for your own marriage relationship, which is different than anyone elses.
Yield yourself to the Lord. Yield your rights. Your primary focus should be on the Lord—not on your husband.
Confess resentment and bitterness as sin. They are in the same list of scripture as drunkenness, adultery, witchcraft, etc. Sins of the emotions may be hidden to others, but they can destroy you from the inside out. Ask God to take away those strong feelings of bitterness and unforgiveness. Let go of them.
Learn to go God’s way. Our way won’t work and was never meant to.
Be on your knees daily regarding your marriage and stay alert. Keep your eyes on the Lord. Satan is sneaky. He will catch you off guard when you least expect it.
Don’t let Satan get an advantage over you through negative thoughts or by tempting you to wrong responses to evil.
Think before speaking. Never let your tongue run loose.
We would never learn forgiveness if there was nothing to forgive. Look at the hurts suffered in marriage as an opportunity to learn Christ-likeness. Jesus learned obedience to the Father by the things He suffered here on earth.
DON’T PLAY THE HOLY SPIRIT IN YOUR HUSBAND’S LIFE! Get out of the way of what God may be trying to do.
"Submission is ducking so God can hit your husband!"
There may be a "teachable moment" that you can utilize in the future, but in the meantime, learn your lesson first. GOD IS YOUR HUSBAND’S TEACHER—NOT YOU.
If there is something you feel your husband needs to learn, pray about it earnestly and keep your life right. If you try to instruct your husband, you become a hindrance to what the Holy Spirit is trying to do in his life.
You are not alone in your struggles. Many other Christian women have learned these truths through their marriage problems also.
Adultery does not necessarily lead to divorce.
Men crave respect. Women crave love. If you want love, give respect.
Be willing to examine yourself.
What are you worrying about? You don’t have to worry. God is in control. Take your hands off. Place your security in Christ. Trust God for peace.
Forbearance is the capacity to endure something disagreeable or below ones standard.
Joy does not come from the absence of problems, but in the presence of Christ. Do you allow circumstances to control your joy?
An unsaved husband and a carnal saved husband act the same way. Don’t envy other people’s marriages. You don’t know the whole story.
Beware of the counsel of the unsaved. They are generally wrong, even though it may sound logical and right at the time. If acted upon, it can ruin your effectiveness for the Lord.
You don’t have to be a doormat. It’s okay to tell your husband what’s bothering you ONCE—maybe twice—but try not to mention it after that. He knows how you feel, and anything you say after that will seem like nagging. Leave it to the Lord to change him. See it as an opportunity for the Lord to develop the spiritual fruit of patience in your life.
Pray "warfare" prayers for your husband and your marriage. Don’t let the devil rob you of your joy.
Fast and pray for your husband and your marriage when there is demonic attack. Satan knows that a husband and wife who are one in the Lord will be able to fulfill God’s will on earth, so he will do anything he can to break this holy bond.
The enemy isn’t your husband, but the devil. We don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, but against evil spiritual forces.
Be happy in the Lord by yourself. This is NOT DEPENDENT upon what is going on around you.
Try not to involve third parties in your marriage problems, if possible. It makes it harder to resolve things between you two. When you are distressed, go to another room if you can and get down on your knees and pour out your hurts and frustrations to the Lord. Open your Bible and find comforting or uplifting passages to read. Sing a praise song to the Lord in your heart. Get your mind off your present situation.
If your feelings are still raw or raging, calm yourself by reading for awhile in a good Christian book on marriage until you feel encouraged to go on. Don’t be looking for things your husband needs to do to improve. Look only for things YOU can do to improve. Your relationship will change if only one person changes, because the other person unconsciously changes to accommodate changes in their mate.
God can give you grace to ignore any unkind words or actions from your mate. If you feel you must say something to defend the "line of respect" between you, do so immediately. Be firm, be kind, be brief, then forgive him.
Where there is verbal abuse, remind yourself that GOD LOVES YOU! Those words are the attacks of Satan. They are not from God. You do not have to let them into your inner being.
Just because someone calls you something doesn’t mean it’s true. You are an "umpire," not a "catcher." Just say, "I don’t agree with that" or "I don’t accept that."
If you know in your heart that your husband has a legitimate complaint, be enough of a woman to admit your faults. Apologize to your husband with sincerity, humility and dignity—then ask God to help you.
Your husband is not always wrong in his assessments of you. He may even have some helpful advice. The Lord can speak to you through him. Don’t be too proud to receive constructive criticism. A strong woman can admit error.
Do your part in the marriage whether the other person does theirs or not.
Try to understand your mate’s point of view—not just your own.
Calm down and try to solve matters between yourselves. If one is not ready to talk, WAIT until they calm down. If angry feelings and words surface when you begin to talk, calm down and try it again at another time. YOU DON’T HAVE TO SOLVE EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY. Try to restore a measure of good feeling between you despite unresolved issues.
God is the answer to ALL our needs. Keep asking the Lord for guidance. He is the best source of help. Work things out between you and the Lord, even if you can’t work it out between you and your spouse. Get God’s peace for the situation. If the apostle Paul and the early Christians could have hearts full of joy and peace in the midst of their pain and hurts, then so can we.
God and you are the best marriage consultants. Men don’t want their wives talking to others about the marriage relationship. Try not to do this. Your goal is to be best friends with your husband. This involves trust.
If you must talk about him, find an older Christian woman who has wisdom in this area. She can be a big help, but be willing to hear that you may need to change also.
All marriages need consistent nurturing.
Try to depend more on the Lord to "fix" your husband. Focus instead on what you need to do to become spiritually and emotionally mature so that you can be a blessing to others. It's easy to focus on the faults of those around us while ignoring our own sins and shortcomings. (Remember that you won't give an account for your husband or anyone else at the Day of Judgment--just for your own thoughts and actions.)
Some suffering is the result of seed we have sown in the past. God’s law of sowing and reaping: we reap later than we sow, more than we sow, and in the same kind as we sow. THERE IS ALWAYS A HARVEST. God will not be mocked. You can’t sow bad seed and then pray for "crop failure."
Women can cry tears when they are hurt, depressed or frustrated, but men have been taught from childhood not to cry. He may want to lay down and cry away the hurt, but as a man, he feels he cannot. When a man is hurting emotionally, he may erupt in anger. Don’t take it personally or react to it. If the anger is out of control, do not attempt to reason with your husband. WALK AWAY AND WAIT UNTIL HE IS CALM. GIVE HIM TIME TO COOL DOWN.
Men find it extremely hard to reveal their weaknesses to other men, so if your husband can confide in you, this can give him an outlet for his emotions. Be compassionate and non-judgmental while you are listening. Minister comfort. He will love you for it.
Don’t offer opinions unless you are asked. When you are alone with the Lord, pray for your husband’s emotional needs.
Die to SELF daily—or every 5 minutes, if need be.
Let God use your trials to mature you.
Cry out to God. He hears the prayers of the righteous.
Don’t make mountains out of molehills. Responding to passing moods can create problems in your relationship with your husband. Try to ignore mood shifts and little tensions that arise. Don’t analyze issues until they build to volcanic proportions.
Wait on the Lord. Wait for His timing. Your time is always the wrong time.
You don’t have to react. You can choose your response.
DON’T PUSH! Leave your husband’s spiritual growth in the hands of the Lord.
Chinese proverb: "You can’t make a rice plant grow faster by pulling upwards on it."
Don’t BOSS your husband.
Don’t get on each other’s backs about anything.
"Show him Christ, not Dominie." (insert your name)
Time solves all problems.
"There are good ideas and God ideas. Ishmael was a good idea."
The Holy Spirit will guide him--not you.
What the Lord doesn’t change, learn to accept and live with—and if possible, enjoy or even appreciate.
You can’t change anyone but yourself. You can’t control anyone but yourself, and that’s a full-time job.
Love the man with all of your heart. It’s the PERSON you love, not what he does or says.
The Lord steps in IN HIS OWN TIME. Our time is always the wrong time.
"God is never late, but He’s rarely early." Let God stretch your faith.
Don’t fret, be anxious or worry. Cast all your cares on the Lord. Sing and be happy, despite the circumstances.
Don’t add to your husband’s stresses with demands or pressure.
Avoid these like the plague:
~ willfulness
~ disrespect
~ putting pressure on him to change
~ self-righteousness
~ not being a true friend
~ having a controlling attitude
~ demanding
Your husband has pride in himself as a man and in his home. Don’t talk about him to others.
Handle EACH DAY in the Lord. Know where the problems are coming from (the devil). Put on the whole armor of God. Live in His presence. You can be happy in the Lord despite your circumstances.
"Marriage is like a 3-ring circus: first there’s the engagement ring, then there’s the wedding ring, then there’s the suffering."
DON’T BE A JUDGE OVER YOUR HUSBAND OR A MOTHER. Don’t belittle him.
"Rome wasn’t built in a day."
Never bring up the past. Drop it like a bowling ball. We are to forget the things that are behind.
Your home can be a battleground or heaven on earth.
There is a lot of pressure on the man. He feels responsibility for the family, and knows when he is failing to meet those needs.
STOP LECTURING YOUR HUSBAND! Let the Word do its work.
Speak gracious words.
When things are tense at home, sometimes SILENCE—NOT talking—is the answer.
The mouth can get you into trouble.
When unkind words or actions occur, ask the Lord to help you forgive and take the memory of it out of your heart. Do not allow your mind to dwell on wrongs done to you.
FORGIVE for your own benefit.
Resenting is a temptation. Don’t give in to it. It will kill his love for you if you bring up the past.
Soft-pedal problems and tone down the marriage when things are tense.
"If love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener."
Don’t react in the flesh. Be obedient to the Word.
Love your husband unconditionally regardless of his behavior. This is the way the Lord loves you. RETURN GOOD FOR EVIL. The Lord will use it to prick his conscience if you don’t say anything.
When your husband disappoints or angers you, give your "riled up" feelings to the Lord and wait for the right time to bring this up to your husband, if you feel you must. Say 10 times an hour, "Lord, I give you my ‘riled up’ feelings."
Get your eyes off your husband and onto the Lord.
Do a "focus check" during the day periodically—are you focusing on the Lord and rejoicing in Him, or are you trying to work things out on your own? Learn to depend more on God and less on SELF.
The Holy Spirit is the greatest force in the world. Do not seek any counseling that is not based on the Word. Even with a professing Christian counselor, be sure you are obeying the commands of scripture and the voice of the Lord rather than the suggestions of another human being. Does the counseling give me peace in my spirit? Does it shed light on my way? Is it in accordance with God’s Word? Will it cause me to sin if I act on it? Does it feel right?
We must forgive 70 x 7 times—even for the same offense. FORGIVE! It feels so good!! Do it for yourself even if you can’t do it for the other person.
At times you may need to confront your husband with what he is doing wrong, just as he can help your spiritual growth by pointing out your "blind spots." The scriptures say to "speak the truth in love." But try to do this carefully and prayerfully. Men have an "ego" to contend with that women do not have. Men almost always prefer NOT to talk about a problem, whereas women NEED to talk about it! In a loving relationship, both should listen to the other, but that is not always the case.
Couples often grow closer after a "healthy" argument that clears the air. Ignoring problems and stifling feelings is not good for a marriage relationship--at least not from the wife's point of view! However, there are certain situations where pointing our your husband's faults will hinder his spiritual growth, and sometimes GOD CAN DO THIS FASTER WITHOUT YOUR HELP. It takes wisdom to know when to speak and when to pray!
What are you doing that’s making him so angry at you? You may or may not be the cause, but do check your heart for attitudes of disrespect, control, selfishness, nagging, etc. toward him that may be triggering some of these episodes.
Make a list of your husband’s good points. Let your mind dwell on these qualities.
God gives the wife more grace.
Sometimes your husband isn’t reacting negatively to the Lord but to you! Don’t be a hindrance to what God is trying to do in his life.
Live for Jesus, not Self, every day.
J-O-Y is "Jesus first, Others second and Self last." (Are you spelling JOY or YOJ?)
A famous preacher once said, "Without Jesus all we do is get on each other’s nerves"...to which one of my girlfriends remarked, "Even WITH Jesus, we still get on eachother’s nerves!!!"
There is no one so perfect that it doesn’t take God’s grace to live with them every day.
Don’t offer your opinions too freely.
Meekness is grace under pressure.
"You’ve been through a lot, but you still haven’t learned to have a meek and quiet spirit." (Rebuke from a pastor friend.)
Practice OVERLOOKING and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE instead of resenting, preaching and nagging. Focus on Christ—not the circumstances.
LET GOD take away the bad from your husband. If you do it, it will just come back.
If you talk to people about the problem, it gets bigger in your mind. Also, you don’t talk to God about it as much.
"The floggings will continue until morale improves."
Learn to trust the Lord. Submit to the Lord, and He will work out everything for your good.
Don’t get onto your husband about his weaknesses, otherwise he may do the same with yours.
Slay any feelings of PRIDE or SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS.
OBEY your husband! There are few times when it will conflict with God’s will. Have a sweet spirit about you.
Don’t neglect God’s Word! This is the source of your strength. God is trying to get His Word into your life, not just into your intellect.
Be sympathetic toward your husband.
The husband is the head of the home, not the wife.
Even if the wife is "right, right, right," she must not tell her husband, "I told you so."
The Holy Spirit can do a much better job of showing a person their sins than we can. The Holy Spirit will lead your husband to repentance much faster when you become forgiving.
Beware of having an "UNBRIDLED TONGUE."
Stop criticizing your husband—mentally or verbally.
REVERENCE your husband.
Any "preaching" you do will backfire.
Get rid of a "fault-finding" nature.
The Holy Spirit will speak loud and clear if we don’t get in the way.
Treat your husband with respect. If you act like a mother, he will react like a child. Don’t play the parent role.
God doesn’t need your help to change your husband.
Sometimes the best thing to do is bite your tongue and put your mind on the Lord or something else, and pray for the person who is acting badly.
Be a peacemaker even if the other person is in a foul mood. If you do this right, you may even get an apology from the other person.
To whom much is given, much is required. The more God shows you, the more He expects of you. You must BE STRONG when the other person is weak.
Adapt to your husband.
"Getting married is like buying a record album. You buy if for the songs on one side, but you also get the songs on the other side."
Trust in God’s Word will make you solid like a rock. Your emotions will no longer push you around.
Build your relationship with your husband on the spark of affection that was between you at the beginning. Never forget that.
Concentrate on your own spiritual development—not that of others.
"Love suffers long and is kind." To become long-suffering, you must suffer long.
GOD WILL MOVE WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY.
Any thoughts of suicide are from Satan. Do not let him play with your mind. Talk with a loving Christian friend. Sometimes we need "God with skin on."
Don’t let a problem be the biggest thing in your life. Let the WORD be the biggest thing. Put your problem in the hand of God. Refuse to think about your problem. Don’t act and talk like there is no God!
Plead the blood of Jesus over specific situations in your life.
Say NO to the devil!
Fret not. Cast your cares on the Lord. He cares for you!
Compliment your husband.
Things go better at home when you are submissive to the Lord. You do this by being submissive to your husband. It’s not always easy.
Live so that your husband will praise you to others.
Don’t stoop to his level when he’s behaving badly. Stay in divine order. It doesn’t help if you both are out of God’s order at the same time.
Don’t take on the responsibility for your husband’s spiritual development. That’s not your job.
"Marriage is not reform school."
When your partner is acting badly, silence is the best thing.
Don’t push your husband to the wall verbally or emotionally. This will cause him to fight you even harder.
Men have died for "religious freedom." Remember this when you are tempted to plead with your unsaved or backslidden husband to attend church with you. Don’t push! It’s best to just live your beliefs before him and pray earnestly for the Holy Spirit to draw him.
The four "A’s" of getting along with your husband: Accept, Adapt, Admire, Appreciate.
Let the Lord show your husband where he is wrong.
After a bad episode, just act like nothing is wrong the next day. Let the marital boat stop rocking. Wait until things are calmer to discuss what happened.
Be kind, loving and level-headed.
It’s better to have harmony at home and lose money than to have strife over money.
Don’t read secular self-help books. They are dangerous! Be sure you are on strong ground spiritually if you must read them. Compare everything with God’s Word. True happiness lies in putting God first, not Self.
Don’t get puffed up with pride toward your husband when you are right and he is wrong.
Pray in faith believing. Don’t pray faithless, whiny "woe-is-me" sounding prayers. We have a great God!
Be the kind of woman every man dreams of marrying.
An unforgiving spirit is an ugly thing.
God doesn’t need your brains, personality, talents or college degree. He just needs your availability and willingness.
Have a FORGIVING SPIRIT toward your husband.
Have faith in God.
Trust in the Lord and not in man. "Pray away" your hurts and anxieties. Refocus on the Lord and His purity and goodness. ("In Thy presence is fullness of joy...")
HOLDING A GRUDGE is of the devil.
Don’t try to walk alone in life. Put your hand in God’s hand.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Cultivate a sense of humor. Take a light approach.
Don’t try to analyze your husband. Just love him.
Let him know he’s #1 in your life.
Don’t be ignorant of Satan’s devices. Win some spiritual victories today.
Sympathize.
Don’t be controlling.
How you live shows what you really believe.
When you make an issue out of things, the problem grows larger than it has to be.
"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-closed afterwards."
Don’t pay attention to things your husband says that irritate you. Meditate on precious portions of scripture. Make melody in your heart to the Lord.
Maintain a cordial relationship with your husband no matter what.
Take a lemon and make lemonade.
Blaming others is a cop-out.
Seen on a refrigerator magnet: "You’re the reason I’m medicated!!"
God can’t flow through you until you are dead to Self and to your will. You must do this daily. Have no plans, no agenda.
A man needs time to think things through. He is not a woman.
Don’t feel you have to give an answer to every comment your husband makes.
Keep it light.
Wait for maturity.
Just let a lot of things go by without comment.
"The grass is always greener over the septic tank."
Unless your life is in danger, stick it out.
Let your husband find God’s truth his own way. Advise, but try not to lecture.
Don’t force doors open.
Let your husband think a course of action is his idea, not yours. Then he will do it willingly.
When things are not going well in marriage, the hardest words are not "I love you" or even "I am sorry." They are: "I WAS WRONG" followed by "PLEASE FORGIVE ME."
Life goes on. ("And it came to pass....")
Chinese proverb: The institution of marriage is like a besieged fortress—the people on the outside want to get in and the people on the inside want to get out.
"What we do every day is what we believe. All the rest is religious talk. It doesn’t cost anything." (Peter Lord)
I do NOT believe in being a doormat or an enabler of sinful behavior. I think it is sad that some women have let their husbands treat them so poorly and not put up a fight or shown themselves any self-respect! Other women have ruined their marriages by going to the opposite extreme and being demanding and bossy. (Yech!) But if you don't help your husband with serious flaws, who will? God may have put you in his life for this purpose. But be tactful. The male ego is a fragile thing. Sometimes the new understanding you and your husband can have about each other will occur after a fight or argument. Just try not to make these too frequent in your marriage, or the sweetness will go out of it. None of us are perfect. If your husband is not respecting your legitimate needs, then by all means, speak up! He may actually be unaware of how you feel, since he can't read your mind. Speak directly (and respectfully) to your husband so that he can understand you clearly. Men generally don't like to "give in" on an issue, so try not to press the point, but be firm if it's a critical and serious problem. Men don't respect doormats, but they also don't respond well to "drill sergeants".....so try to strike a happy medium.
No two marriages are identical. What works for one couple may cause strife for another. Battle (if necessary) through the rough times, hold on in the tough times, and be happy during the good times.
Heard on an old TV show (cute): "I believe in marriage....if it weren't for marriage, people would have to fight with perfect strangers!"
An elderly evangelist quipped: "It doesn't matter who you marry. After the third day, they're not the person you thought they were anyway." (The adults laughed; the teens looked puzzled.) About the benefits of long-term marriage: "When you're 70 years old and seriously ill, who else is going to take care of you?" (This may not seem important in your 20's, but it sure means something to older folks.)
I hope these thoughts on marriage (some serious, some funny) have been helpful....and since you are reading this, I want to CONGRATULATE you on being MARRIED and not living with (shacking) with someone, which isn't the same thing as marriage. Men think this way: "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" So ladies, you have done right by having your man to commit to you and vice versa. Marriage (between a man and a woman) is God's way. (There are some beautiful love stories in the Bible!) I wish all of my readers a happy and functional marriage that grows sweeter as the years go by.
NOTE: If you are experiencing verbal, physical or emotional abuse, you have the right to protect yourself and your children. Tell your parents, pastor, family, friends or the police, if necessary. The Women’s Shelter in your area has valuable information and assistance available.
Below are some excellent inspirational articles, poems and scriptures that relate to marital harmony. These have been very meaningful to me--
A little girl walking in a garden
noticed a particularly beautiful flower. She admired its beauty and enjoyed its
fragrance. "It’s so pretty!" she exclaimed. As she gazed on it, her eyes
followed the stem down to the soil in which it grew. "This flower is too pretty
to be planted in such dirt!" she cried. So she pulled it up by its roots and ran
to the water faucet to wash away the soil. If wasn’t long until the flower
wilted and died. When the gardener saw what the little
girl had done, he exclaimed, "You have destroyed my finest plant!" "I’m sorry,
but I didn’t like it in that dirt," she said. The gardener replied, "I chose
that spot and mixed the soil because I knew that only there could it grow to be
a beautiful flower." Often we murmur because of the
circumstances into which God has sovereignly placed us. We fail to realize that
He is using our pressures, trials and difficulties to bring us to a new degree
of spiritual beauty. Contentment comes when we accept what God is doing and
thank Him for it. Contentment enables you to grow where God has planted
you. Our Daily Bread, 9-9-92
BLOOM WHERE
YOU ARE PLANTED!
HOW THE LORD
SUSTAINS Anonymous
IN PRUNINGS
OFT Author unknown
Jesus CONSTRAINED them to go! One would
think that if ever there was the certain promise of success in a mission, it was
here. Surely, here, if anywhere, a triumphant issue might have been confidently
predicted; and yet here, more than anywhere, there was seeming failure. He sent
them out on a voyage, and they met such a storm as they had never yet
experienced. Let me ponder this, for it has been so
with me, too. I have sometimes felt myself impelled to act by an influence which
seemed above me—constrained to put to sea. The belief that I was constrained
gave me confidence, and I was sure of a calm voyage. But the result was outward
failure. The calm became a storm; the sea raged, the winds roared, the ship
tossed in the midst of the waves, and my enterprise was wrecked ere it could
reach the land. Was, then, my divine command a
delusion? Nay; nor yet was my mission a failure.
He did send me on that voyage, but He did not send me for my purpose. He had one
end and I had another. My end was the outward calm; His was my meeting with the
storm. My end was to gain the harbor of a material rest; His was to teach me
there is a rest even on the open sea. George
Matheson
THE MAGIC OF LOVE
STORY TOLD BY A
PREACHER'S WIFE
The woman was overjoyed and quickly
discarded her burden. She decided to try on the smallest one there. She picked
it up, but was surprised at how heavy it was for its size! She knew she couldn’t
carry it around for very long, so she looked for another burden that might be
lighter. She spotted one in the corner that might work out, but much to her
amazement, it itched and prickled very badly! She had to take that one off
too. All afternoon the woman tried on various
burdens unsuccessfully. Finally, she found one she felt she could live with! The
woman said happily, "Lord, I’m ready to go now. I found a burden I think I can
manage." "Good," said the Lord, "That’s the same one you came in
with!"
SCRIPTURES THAT WILL
HELP A MARRIAGE "Wives, submit yourselves unto
your husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even
as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore
as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands
in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church,
and gave himself for it." Ephesians 5:22-25 "Likewise, ye wives, be in
subjection to your own husbands; that, IF ANY OBEY NOT THE WORD, they also may
WITHOUT THE WORD be won by the conversation (behavior) of the wives; while they
behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be
that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of
putting on of apparel; But let it be the HIDDEN MAN OF THE HEART, in that which
is not corruptible, even the ornament of a MEEK AND QUIET SPIRIT, which is in
the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the HOLY
WOMEN also, WHO TRUSTED IN GOD, adorned themselves, BEING IN SUBJECTION UNTO
THEIR OWN HUSBANDS: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: WHOSE
DAUGHTERS YE ARE, as long as ye DO WELL, and are NOT AFRAID with any amazement.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour
unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the
grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." I Peter
3:1-7 "Forasmuch then as Christ hath
SUFFERED for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the SAME
MIND." I Peter 4:1 "And above all things have fervent
charity (love) among yourselves: for charity SHALL COVER THE MULTITUDE OF
SINS." I Peter 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever
things are TRUE, whatsoever things are HONEST, whatsoever things are JUST,
whatsoever things are PURE, whatsoever things are LOVELY, whatsoever things are
OF GOOD REPORT; if there be any VIRTUE, and if there be any PRAISE, THINK ON
THESE THINGS." Philippians 4:8 "I can do ALL THINGS through
Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13 "...FORGETTING THOSE THINGS WHICH
ARE BEHIND, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press
toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ
Jesus." Philippians 3:13 "Casting all your care upon him;
for he careth for you." I Peter 5:7 "Be sober, be vigilant; because
your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may
devour: whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions
are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. But the God of all
grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, AFTER THAT YE
HAVE SUFFERED A WHILE, MAKE YOU PERFECT, STABLISH, STRENGTHEN, SETTLE
YOU." I Peter 5:8,9 "Every wise woman buildeth her
house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs
14:1 "A soft answer turneth away wrath:
but GRIEVOUS WORDS STIR UP ANGER." Proverbs 15:1 "For we wrestle not against flesh
and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the
darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore,
take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the
evil day...." Ephesians 6:12,13 "Be not overcome of evil, but
OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD." Romans 12:21 "Pray without
ceasing." I Thessalonians 5:17 "Strength and honour are her
clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come." Proverbs
31:25
Below are some of my
favorite hymns. I hope they encourage you as they have encouraged
me... PRECIOUS LORD, TAKE MY
HAND MY SOUL HAS FOUND A
RESTING PLACE I’D RATHER HAVE
JESUS NO ONE UNDERSTANDS
LIKE JESUS
BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS Fascinating Womanhood Why men don’t like revealing things
about themselves to their wives! Great book on understanding communication
in marriage.
Quote from a
pastor: "If it’s free....it’s advice. If it costs money....it’s
counseling. If it works....it’s a
miracle!" (Let's pray for miracles!)
UPROOTED BY DISCONTENT
"And having food and clothing, with
these we shall be content."
I Timothy 6: 8
"Bloom where you are planted!"
That’s what I say each
spring,
As on my knees I dig and poke
And transplant each flow’ring
thing.
They look so droopy and forlorn,
So fragile and forsaken;
Will they withstand the shocking
change
As from the warmth they’re
taken?
I leave them in their earthy nest
And I know it won’t be
long,
In spite of setbacks for awhile
Thirsty roots will grow quite
strong.
"Bloom where you are planted!"
That’s what the Lord says
too,
When He transplants His children
dear
And they’re forced to start
anew.
"Bloom where you are planted!"
Though it be dark or
bright,
Some blossoms give their fragrance
best
In the darkest hours of
night.
"Bloom where you are planted!"
Be strong, be not afraid.
The winds may blow and sun may beat
And your spirit droop and
fade.
"Bloom where you are planted!"
You will withstand the
strain.
God’s life within will guarantee
That His plants will
remain.
Christian, when thy way seems
darkest,
When thine eyes with tears are
dim,
Straight to God thy Father
hastening,
Tell thy troubles all to
Him.
Not to human ear
confiding
Thy sad tale of grief and
care,
But before thy Father
kneeling,
Pour out all thy sorrows
there.
Sympathy of friends may cheer
thee,
When the fierce wild storms have
burst,
But God only can console
thee,
When it breaks upon thee
first.
Go with words or tears or
silence,
Only lay thee at His
feet:
Thou shalt prove how great His
pity,
And His tenderness how
sweet.
Far too well thy Savior loves
thee
To allow thy life to be
One long, calm, unbroken
summer,
One unruffled, stormless
sea.
He would have thee fondly
nestling
Closer to His loving
breast;
He would have that world seem
brighter,
Where alone is perfect
rest.
Though His wise and loving
purpose
Clearly yet thou may’st not
see,
Still believe with faith
unshaken,
All will work for good to
thee.
Therefore, when thy way is
gloomy
And thine eyes with tears are
dim,
Straight to God thy Father
hastening,
Tell thy sorrows all to
Him.
In prunings oft
The heart cries out for
mercy
As, cut by cut,
The soul is tested deep,
Til Christ, the wondrous
Gardener,
Comes to comfort
And whispers in the
darkness,
"I will keep..."
‘Tis then we see the plan
Behind the prunings;
For, walking in the soil
Of sorrow’s calm,
The Gardener searches—
Finds the fruit He
wishes,
And holds it
In His tender,
Nail-scarred palm.
He prunes in love,
This Jesus,
Lord of gardeners;
He sends the pain,
The fruit-producing scar;
For in the wake of sorrow
Comes the harvest—
A richer crop,
A fruitage greater far.
He knoweth best;
His wisdom
Is omniscient;
Beneath His pruning hand
The soul is still;
For in the fragrant
presence
Of this Gardener,
The soul doth learn
Surrender....to His will.
JESUS CONSTRAINED
HIS DISCIPLES TO GET INTO A SHIP...
Matthew
14:22
Love is like magic
And it always will be,
For love still remains
A sweet mystery!
Love works in ways
That are wondrous and
strange
And there’s nothing in
life
That love cannot change.
Love can transform
The most commonplace
Into the beauty and
splendor
And sweetness of grace!
Love is unselfish
Understanding and kind
For it sees with the
heart
And not with the mind.
Love is the answer
That everyone seeks
Love is the language
That everyone speaks.
Love can’t be bought
It is priceless and free.
Love like pure magic
Is a sweet mystery.
by Helen Steiner Rice
"Charity (love) SUFFERETH LONG, and IS
KIND; charity ENVIETH NOT; charity vaunteth not itself, is NOT PUFFED UP. Doth
not BEHAVE ITSELF UNSEEMLY, SEEKETH NOT HER OWN, IS NOT EASILY PROVOKED,
THINKETH NO EVIL; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; BEARETH
ALL THINGS, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity NEVER FAILETH."
I Corinthians
13:4-8
"NOT RENDERING EVIL FOR EVIL, OR
RAILING FOR RAILING: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto
called, that ye should inherit a blessing."
I Peter 3:9
Precious Lord, take my
hand,
Lead me on, help me
stand.
I am tired, I am weak, I am
worn.
Through the storm,
Through the night,
Lead me on to the light.
Precious Lord, take my
hand,
Lead me home.
When my way grows drear,
Precious Lord, linger
near.
When my life is almost
gone,
Hear my cry, hear my
call,
Hold my hand lest I fall.
Take my hand, precious
Lord,
Lead me home.
My soul has found a resting
place
Not in device nor creed.
I trust the Ever-Living
One,
His wounds for me shall
plead.
I need no other argument,
I need no other plea.
It is enough that Jesus
died,
And that He died for me.
I’d rather have Jesus than silver or
gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches
untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or
lands;
I’d rather be led by His nail-pierced
hands.
Chorus:
Than to be the king of a vast
domain
Or be held in sin’s dread
sway.
I’d rather have Jesus than
anything
This world affords
today.
He’s fairer than lilies of rarest
bloom;
He’s sweeter than honey from out of
the comb;
He’s all that my hungering spirit
needs.
I’d rather have Jesus and let Him
lead.
No one understands like
Jesus,
He’s a Friend beyond
compare;
Meet Him at the throne of
mercy,
He is waiting for you
there.
Chorus:
No one understand like
Jesus,
When the days are dark and
grim,
No one is so near, so dear as
Jesus,
Cast your every care on
Him.
No one understands like
Jesus,
Every woe He sees and
feels;
Tenderly He whispers
comfort,
And the broken heart He
heals.
No one understands like
Jesus,
When the foes of life
assail,
You should never be
discouraged,
Jesus cares and will not
fail.
No one understands like
Jesus,
When you falter on the
way;
Tho’ you fail Him, sadly fail
Him,
He will pardon you today.
by Helen Andelin
Most of this is very sound advice. The
testimonial letters are wonderful! If you think your marriage is bad, read what
some of these ladies have to say! You will conclude that there is hope for your
marriage after all. The author gives insights into how men think, and you
can use this knowledge to improve your relationship with your husband.
Help
Me, I’m Married
by Joyce Meyer
Particularly helpful for women who
have been abused as children and later find themselves unable to relate to a
husband in a healthy manner, because they are controlling,
hateful, difficult to live with, etc. even when they don’t want to
be.
Men Are Like
Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti
by Bill and Pam Farrel
Men compartmentalize their thinking,
but for women everything in their lives is inter-connected with everything else.
This book is very enjoyable reading and helps husbands and wives understand each
other and their differences better.
Stepping
Heavenward
By Mrs. E. Prentiss
This is the diary of a young woman
named Katy, who lived in the 1800’s. The journal begins when she is 16 years
old, high-spirited, and critical of her mother who has warned her against
getting involved with a certain young man....who later breaks her heart. Katy
goes on to marry a doctor, but within a few months, his father and sister must
move in with them, due to financial problems. This ends Katy’s ideal of a happy
home. Through learning to live with these critical family members, her
own poor health, raising 5 children, experiencing the death of several beloved
family members, continuous financial stress and other life problems, Katy
matures as a woman and grow closer to God. Her diary continues to the
end of her life. There is so much transparent honesty and hard-earned Godly
wisdom in this book.....I could hardly put it down!!
Streams in the
Desert, Vol. 1
by Mrs. Charles Cowman
Best devotional book I know of for
anyone going through trials. It was given to me by a retired missionary to
Japan. I read this book every day for 4 years. It contains a
scripture for each day and some very wise and comforting thoughts about
suffering.
Men
Are Clams, Women Are Crowbars
by David Clarke
Thank you for reading my marriage
booklet. God impressed on my heart to write these thoughts down around
1990, but I have done so only recently. The original booklet called
"MARITAL HARMONY" was distributed in hard copy, but I realized that more people
could read it if put it online.
Dominie Soo Bush
DISCLAIMER: The advice on
this webpage may not apply if there is pornography, substance abuse,
adultery, addictions, domestic violence, or mental, emotional or physical
cruelty in a marriage caused by the husband. (See
www.joelandkathy.com/ to read about a changed MAN.) For a happy and
unified home, both husband and wife must be submitted to God and to each other
under God. A carnal or unsaved man (or woman) can turn
a marriage into "hell on earth!" The advice on this page is
good for "cooling off" when you are mad at your husband or if you just want to
bring more peace and tranquility into your home. It is NOT meant as an
excuse for a man to mistreat his wife. Husbands are to LOVE THEIR WIVES as
Christ loved the church, and wives are to RESPECT (honor) their husbands.
This webpage is just about the wife's part.
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