This wonderful poem was sent in by a newsletter reader.
Thanks, Mary!
LIVING WITH AN "INVISIBLE
ILLNESS"
written May 2003
While from the outside I may seem
normal,
It’s the part that you can’t
see,
The constant pain and struggles
within,
Are ever so apparent to
me.
Although I may wear a smile,
Often times it's covering the
tears,
Yet not tears because of
sadness,
As it often may appear.
Don’t be too quick to judge
though,
Because there is so much more than is
known,
What may seem to look like one
thing,
Just might turn to prove so
wrong.
I may sometimes seem
unfriendly,
Or too centered around self,
Because sometimes standing takes all
I’ve got,
And there is just no energy
left.
Sometimes my words may sound
awkward,
My communication may not always
convey,
My true inner thoughts and
feelings,
Aren’t always expressed by what I
say.
You may think that I’m not really
listening,
Sometimes my face or speech may not
show,
But I do hear every word you say,
I really want you to
know.
The information doesn’t always
process,
As quickly and as clear,
And sometimes it takes me
longer,
To interpret what I hear.
I possibly miss many
opportunities,
To offer needed love or
support,
Because sometimes it just takes to
long,
For my thoughts and words to
sort.
So if my actions seem inappropriate,
In the things I say or
do,
I hope that you can
understand,
That it is not because of
you.
There are times I get
discouraged,
When forced to accept my
inability--
It’s hard to admit my
limitations,
And it leaves me feeling so
guilty.
Yet every moment is a
reminder
As I look all around,
The effort it takes just to get
through the day,
Just picking my feet up off the
ground.
I am not looking to find
pity,
I am just attempting to
explain,
That the person that you may often
see,
And the real me aren’t exactly the
same.
You may not see the peace and
joy,
When you look upon my
face,
But I know that each day I
live,
Is because of God’s amazing
grace.
It is hard to always be
cheerful,
When the pain is so very
real,
And not everyone can
comprehend,
The extend of how I feel.
I don’t see it as all bad
though,
Although I’d much rather it not be
so,
But I know that if I must
endure,
God will strengthen me as I
go.
It may seem as if I take no
pride
In the way that I look or
dress,
However, there might be much more
going on,
Inside of the big mess.
My home may not be nice and
neat,
My bed not always made,
The laundry may not all be
done,
And often it makes me
ashamed.
But I must only do what I am
able,
Each day I have to
choose,
What is most important right
then,
And the tasks I am able to
lose.
All the plans and dreams I once
held,
Now don’t seem quite so
clear,
Yet I feel a peace
within,
As my Lord keeps drawing me
near.
To have a chronic
illness,
Or a disability that one must
bear,
Somehow puts life into
perspective,
And helps to make us more
aware.
I realize now that each day I
live,
Is a gift from God above,
It is hard not to lean on
Him,
Or to look to His great
love.
I now can fully
understand,
On my own, there is nothing I can
do,
It is only be faith and
prayer,
That I can make it
through.
It may seem an
exaggeration,
No one can always feel so
bad,
But only those who have walked in
these shoes,
Can appreciate the battles that I have
had.
I see so many people less fortunate
than me,
Don’t have to look very far,
There are so many suffering all
around,
It doesn’t matter who you
are.
Circumstances and illnesses can hit
unexpectedly,
And you can never really be
prepared,
It may be difficult to
understand,
Leaving you vulnerable and feeling
scared.
I must constantly guard my thoughts
and mind,
As Satan always tries to bring me
down,
He wants me to feel hopeless and
unworthy,
And turn my smile into a
frown.
It is hard not to get
depressed,
When I see the burden my family must
bare,
The fact I cannot always meet their
needs,
No one could be more
aware.
There are times I feel like giving
up,
When I look too far
ahead,
But I know if my loved ones were given
the choice,
They would just choose to have me here
instead.
There are so many ups and
downs,
New challenges each day,
I must strive to keep my eyes on
God,
So that I be not led
astray.
It would be so difficult to
cope,
Without God, my hope would all be
gone,
Because through submitting to Him in
prayer,
Is when my weaknesses are made
strong.
So when you see the way I
look,
When my insecurities are in
view,
Base who I am on what’s
inside,
Not by the things that I can
do.
The greatest lesson that I have ever
learned,
Is the reason that I am here on
earth,
Is not to live for self and
gain,
For in these things are not my
worth.
God has a purpose for my
life,
Although the details I may not
see,
He still has it under
control,
And is continually watching over
me.
Maybe one day I will be
well,
And my health He will
restore,
But if that is not in God’s
will,
I will still praise Him ever
more.
If this suffering can bring honor to
Him,
I will gladly accept the
call,
Because of His great love for
me,
He suffered and gave His
all.
I have to believe that what I am going
through now,
Will somehow work together for
good,
And one day it will be
revealed,
And all things will be
understood.
While I still worry about what you
think,
More the example that I may
show,
I am learning so much more each
day,
And this has really helped me to
grow.
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